


FAHC-don't you dare move

by fandom_nerd_frogs



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fake AH Crew, Gen, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_nerd_frogs/pseuds/fandom_nerd_frogs
Summary: The fake ah crew have a large heist to kick off a summer but it goes wrong(as usual). So they have to stop while the cops die down the search. How will these criminals handle a civilian and nornal life?





	1. A storm brews

**Author's Note:**

> Welp this is not that great.

Operation Hurricane was going to be a success. Only two people could fuck it up and they were on crime surveillance but you could argue that the drivers could take a wrong turn and someone in the banks could screw up. But everything was easy going. After three successful heists with minimal loss of life, they could go bigger. Gavin, Fiona and Matt had surveillance and cutting hotspots and hacking duties from inside the big heist truck thay still had. Jack, Jeremy, Micheal and Alfredo had vehicals while Ryan, Geoff, Trevor and Lindsay were on ground control. Everyone had a part and they had to stick to it. But, the complex thing was that this heist was hitting diferent gas stations and banks in a hurricane fashion. They would spread out over los santos and move north until they reconvened at a lumber mill and then moved onto Geoff's boat. An elaborate plan for the Fake AH Crew.  
"Team tech are you ready?" Trevor called into his phone while he still had signal.  
"Yup we got it all covered, when you enter a certain area by each target the signal will go down. Oh and if we say to move then run to the mill and circle it. Trust us." They all said back.  
"Team cars are you good to go?"  
"Fuck yeah! We got eyes on the road and we are ready to shoot any damn cops when this shit kicks off." Micheal responded.  
"Okay team attack we are ready. At five, we shall go ahead with Hurricane!" Trevor finished as he checked his watch.  
Only five minuets to go.. He knew Geoff and Ryan were ready but Lindsay being ready on the ground scared him shitless. If she got hurt, Micheal would freak. His clock strick five as everyone ran into their stores. The first hits were amzing and the second were a little worse. And when they reached the third store. That was when shit hit the fan. A cop was on break when Lindsay hit, telling his buddies about a robbery, the techs had spilled coffee on the monitors when Gavin was squawking around the room waiting, Geoff, Ryan and Trevor had no problem until the cops sjowed up and shot the cars and the windows, Jack got shot by a cop as soon as Geoff got in to leave for the next stop-which Matt said was the lumber mill- leaving them slightly incapacitated when driving, Lindsay and Micheal hit a roadblock hard and fell out the window-the ran to get back in the car before the cops started shooting, Trevor and Alfredo were screaming. Afredo thought he could shake the cops by using a jump, then going to the lumber mill and Ryan and Jeremy stayed behind to kill cops. They were surrounded. As soon as someone saw one of the rimmy timm cars, they called the cops.. That meant that they were targets.  
"Grenade!" Jeremy hollered as he through one towards the cops and blew up the remaning cars.  
"Dont move, put your hands up!" Someone shouted from behind them.  
Steffie was stood in her uniform with a glint in her eye and a gun at Jeremy's head.  
"Freeze mother fucker." Larry retorted as he brought his gun to Ryan's head.  
Shit. At least plan X had worked. Or was about to. Larry and Steffie took their handcuffs and placed them on the criminals hands. They then proceded to earn a small 'kinky' from Jeremy and placed them in a car. At that point, Geoff called.  
"Hey Steffie did you get the boys? Good! Bring them to the meet point and we can take them to the boat."  
"On our way boss." Larry responded as he entred the gps coordinates.  
"Thanks for saving our asses back there. Hope it wasn't any struggle." Jeremy said after a long silence.  
"No. We have cars around every hit. Hey, that's Matt and Fiona! We will see you later boys!" Steffie said as they rounded the corner to the docks.  
"Finally! That took forever huh Ryan!" Jeremy said as he left the car and laughed.  
With that, Ryan left and waved at the two waiting for him. God he could be insufferable. With that, they entered the speedboat and drove towards the fireworks spewing off the fakes bang boat.


	2. Survival of the fittest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everyone gathers in the supprisingly large office, Burnie and Trevor get the Fakes to work. At the end of the day, they meet the finest (and hottest) girls working there.

"Alright. Trevor told me what was going on so you just eed to hide in our secret work room all day, sleep there and do as we say until this has blown over. Got it?" Burnie said as he lead the Fakes into a small compartment with a hidden door.  
"Bloody hell Burnie! This place is never gonna last us a week!" Gavin squawked as he entred the room.  
"Gavin shut the fuck up!" Fiona said as she started to stretch on the cold white floor.  
"Hey! You lot have to use the fake names we gave you for emergencies. Do I have to give out name tags and say' its their first day as interns and we ran out room so we have this for them'?" Burnie shouted back at them.  
"We never actually used our names before so it may help." Matt replied.  
"I fucking hate you Matt."  
"Aww" another voice came from behind Burnie.  
"No, not you! Gimme the tags! Trevor you write this down. I gotta make this podcast." Burnie responded as he took the tags from the CEO Matt.  
"Well, folks, my name is Garry. Michael, you are now Luther, Lindsay is Diane, Fiona is Lilly, Matt is the same, Ryan and Jack have the same names, Sam, Geoff has Joey, Fredo has Rahul and Jeremy is now Alex. Off to work boys!" Trevor said as he wrote down names and gave out tags.  
"I fucking hate you." Came a comment.   
Trevor assumed it was Matt. He was right.  
"So we have to pretend we don't know each other? Aww I can't do shit to Gavin!" Geoff cried.  
"Who the fuck is Gavin, Joey?" Trevor 'Garry' said.  
"An old friend." Geoff 'Joey' responded with an exasperated sigh.  
"Well done. Now, Burnie sent us clips to edit. Get to work Boys and girls." Garry said to the crew. Even Trevor hated this. Stupid names anyway. 

The day dragged on and all they could do was stare at the blue light emitting from the screens before them. All of a sudden, Alfredo 'Rahul' spoke up, "Trevor- shit sorry- Garry, when are when are we having dinner?"  
"I am glad you asked good employee! I can call Barbara for some chicken and rice. Oh good Barbara! We would like our dinner!" Garry responded as he grabbed a small bell and shook it.  
"Here you are boys and you two ladies. This is your regualr dinner. Breakfast is buttered toast and lunch is a salad and a sandwich." Barbara responded as she opened the door and placed down the trays. She had brought four other girls with her and they were all chattering amongst themselves. "Oh, by the way, this is Kara, Arryn and Mariel. Meg and Cati would have joined but they got caught up." Barbara continued as she smirked in Trevor's direction.  
"Thank you ladies. That was all we needed." Trevor responded as he shook Barbs hand.  
"Hey can you bring in like ten multi packets of cheese puffs! I have the cash for you!" Michael shouted as he threw the cash at one of the girls.  
"Fuck you! Fine." The tall brunette with a yellow bandana said as she grabbes the cash out of the air.  
And with that, the girls left giggling and ready to buy a fuck ton of cheese puffs.  
"Maybe this wont be so bad after all." Matt sighed as he got back to work.  
"Shit Matt I forgot you were here!" Jeremy laughed as he layed down for a nap.  
It was going to be a long few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a schedule it is once every three weeks tops and if I cannot meet a deadline I will say and miss a full chapter for small snippets of a day.


	3. What is this feeling?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two cops ask the office about the Fakes, how will our heroes deal with this?.

Gavin tapped at his phone and computer, leaving everyone to fall behind in their work. Besides, the faster he worked, the more time he could spend on looking good for Meg. It had only been a few days but he had already fallen for her.  
"Heyy.. Garry? You forgot to give Gavin a name and he wants to ask Meg out today so you may wanna give him a fake ass name." Michael said as he remembered the thing on his mind. It had been bothering him for days and it seemed the best time to bring it up.  
"Shit Michael! Uhh, how did I forget this bastard? Have Carl Banks as your name. Oh and have a name tag. Also Meg huh? You got a thing for purple hair? I got one for Canadian chicks and Jack has one for Aussies." Trevor responded.  
"Fuck you! That was between us!" Jack screamed back at him.  
"Fine! All secrets off the table! Michael and I have been fucking for years!" Lindsay screamed ready for a fuck tonne of chaos.  
"Shut the fuck up! All of you nerds have to quieten down before the cops find us! You know they have a check around here today!" Geoff screamed over the buzz of employees.  
They all shut up just in time for Burnie to enter the room, followed shortly by a pair of the LSPD.   
"This was an extra storage room but we got some interns and converted it into an extra office. They have only been here for three days so they still wear name tags to help. Oh and Carl is the fresh meat. He desperately needs one." Burnie said as he showed the room to the two officers.  
"Hi, my name is Officer Marks and this is my partner Officer Marks. He is my brother if you are wondering." One of them said as he took botes in a pad.  
"We will question you about the Fake Ah Crew. They have been seen around here and we have to ask a few questions. This will be seperate. So may we get started with a Miss Lilly Whiite?" The other said.  
"Oh that's me! See you in a bit guys!" Fiona said after hesitating.  
"She'll be fine." Trevor said in his usual optimism.

"So Miss Lilly Whiite? It says that you took engineering in college for two years? Well, why would you take an internship in editing?  
"I am mainly there to make sure the computers run. If I can help edit then I do."  
"Have you seen any of the Fake Ah Crew around."  
"No."  
"Thank you for your time, Miss Whiite."

After everyone had answered the questions, the officers came in the room and placed handcuffs on Geoff.  
"Mr. Joey Richt, you are under arrest for tax evasion and tax fraud. You are coming with us to the station." One of the officers said with a straight face.  
Everyone stared with their mouths agape at the trio as they left the building.  
"What the ever loving fuck was that Trevor!"


	4. Chapter 4

"How are you?" Trevor asked Geoff as he sat down in his new bright orange uniform.  
"This place sucks... One little tax hiccup and you get sent to the biggest jail in los santos. Besides I room with a murderer and a shoplifer so they treat everyone as if they are the Fakes." Geoff responded as he layed his head in his hands. His voice was hoarse and on edge. Almost like he had been screaming and was looking out for something.  
"Ironic huh? Anyways, tell me the schedule. We're getting you out... Soon."  
"So, this place is different to the normal prisons in america. We wake up at six thirty and head to breakfast for seven. These people do have exceptions for religions -I don't know why because they really suck as people- so it can be different for some people. Then we do a small job for two hours at eight. At ten we work out and shower. At eleven we have free time then at twelve we have lunch. At one we have more free time then at two we have more work. At four we have another work out and shower then at five we have dinner, at six we have free time and at eight we have lights out. Does that help?"  
"Yes. You have the phone?"  
"Yes."  
"We will text you at around six thirty five for the time we will pick you up. It will be on that exact day so if we dont text, don't get ready for a heist. Got it?"  
"Got it. Thanks Trevor... Tell... uh... Tell the gang that I miss them wait no don't.."  
"I'll tell them. Don't worry. Wait like, a week. We may even send someone in to help you bust out."  
"Looking forward to it Trevor." Geoff said before he left with two burly guards.

"Did you write that down Gav?" Trevor said as he sat in the car with Jack and Gavin.  
"Yes" Gavin said with a huge ass grin plastered on his face  
"Trevor... I think that Geoff may be in danger with the cell mates. I know what sexual assault and harassment is like for others. How do you think I got my ex in prison for abusing all of his girls?" Jack said as the grip on the wheel tightened  
I am getting him out of that shit hole. Soon. Nobody I love is going through that. Jack thought to herself before speeding off towards the office.  
"Hey, two days. Two days then he is out. That can be the big Fake AH reunion. A jail break heist." Trevor said after five minuets of silence.  
Jack only sped up.   
They reached the office and they ran up to the office to share the plan.  
"We are busting Geoff out in two days. Plan and Prep time bitches!" Gavin squaked as he burst into the room to see all the shocked faces.   
Burnie sighed and left with a scowl stck on his face where a smile would be.  
"What is this? Why is Burnie pissed?" Trevor said as he entered the room.  
"Burnie was a criminal ally. He made the roosters as a gang but they stopped to do comedy. Nobody really know. He started us and the Fakehaus crew. The cops got the Fakehaus lot. It's a death penalty. They have a week." Ryan said as he brought up a recent news report from that day.  
"Shit."


	5. The heist of a lifetime- plan & prep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fakes gain a little help from the roosterteeth gang to but out Geoff and The Fakehaus crew. What could go wrong!

Plan  
"Trevor has located the positions of Geoff and Fakehaus, so, we take Jack, Ryan and Michael and drop them into the base. That should distract them from the twins, Matt, Fiona and I and our special guests that Burnie loaded us, Meg, Barb and Jon. Any questions?" Jeremy said as he laid out a map of the prison.  
"Yes... Who flies the plane dropping us off and how do we get in on the ground?" Jack spoke up as she eyed the roosters on loan.  
"Prison buses have access so that should get you in for a few gates. During this, Caiti and Lindsay will fly the helicopter. Well Lindsay will shoot the sky. Everyone gets on the bus with Geoff. Jack drives to this pick up point below Chilliad where armored off-road sports cars wait. The Jonses share a car, Jack and Caiti do the same. Oh and Caiti, land the chopper by us for the escape. Geoff and Matt and the Fredo and Fiona take Jon share a five seater , Gav and Meg ride together, Trevor and Barb are together, the battle buddies take my bad ass monster truck Get cars ready for Fakehaus. Once the cops are done meet at the penthouse. Fakehaus can just leave. Protect the Roosters with everything. They aren't like us at all." Jeremy finished marking off all locations and left for people to take pictures, "We also have the back-up crew on speed dial."  
"Of course you picked a monster truck. It isn't the most inconspicuous car in the world." Ryan chuckled as he downed his diet coke.  
With that comment, everyone left for the sleep they needed the prep.

Prep

Jack and Caiti drove to the Fake AH hangar to find a large helicopter for the heist the next day. Jack was antsy and kept tapping her foot, fidgeting and biting her nails, lips and gums. When she started drawing blood from her bites, Caiti handed her a small tissue and put her hand in Jack's.  
"Don't worry. I met Geoff ages ago, when I first joined. He is so much tougher than you think. Besides, he would get hit by a jet for you." Caiti wispered as she picked a battle chopper with the logo on it.  
"He would do it for fun. Thanks anyways." Jack responded as she opened the skylight for Cati to fly out. She could do with a quick test fly, Jack suggested it for all 'newbies' but everyone knew what they were doing. She smirked and let Caiti fly them around los santos and landed on their base of operations A.K.A the penthouse. Caiti landed and Jack let her inside before meeting the twins on the couch.  
"We have the chopper. Anything else you need from us?" Jack said as she planted herself on the couch.  
"Do you have the car to swing by the lumber mill before we set off tomorrow?" Trevor responded as he stared at the t.v. playing Finding Nemo.  
"Shit. Hey Caiti? Are you up for another spin? And one without me?"  
"Hell yes." Caiti as her face flushed a light pink. She was eager to fly again. Nobody could blame her.

The battle buddies were driving along the highway to the lumber mill with Team Nice Dynamite close behind and Matt and Fiona with Barbara and Jon in the same car. They had to pick up the prison bus with help from Lindsay in control. Mother fucking Trevor left Lindsay in charge. At least Jeremy and Ryan didn't have to endure the others. They all gathered in the mill and waited for Lindsay to give them the okay. They waited. And waited.   
"The bus should've been here five minutes ago. Where is the damn thing?" Jeremy shouted as he took another bite out of his burger.  
"Traffic on the highway up here. Right now, we can walk to it and storm it. But we couldn't get the fuck out of there. So wait for it J. We got this." Ryan responded as he placed ever so slightly more face paint around the eyes.   
"Thanks Buddie. I needed that." 

In the other two seater, Michael was kicking Gavin's ass in Mario Kart. They both pulled out their switches as soon as the bus was late.   
"Micoo stop! You aren't Matt!" Gavin whined as he finished in hard last.   
"Well, I can substitute when Satan wants his dick sucked." Michael said back as he placed his switch back in the case.  
"Why can't I suck off Satan for once!"  
"Because he has a type you idiot."  
"I am offended!"  
"Good."

In the third car, shit hit the fan. Fiona and Matt were fighting, Barbara was playing a game with a K4r4_3, 4_Z3ch, L1nds4y_J while she was B_Dunkl3 and Jon was editing a video he made where he tortured four people working for the roosters. Fiona had a large cup of coffee in her hand and Matt was waiting for anything to happen. Anything. Barbara screamed and threw her phone towards Jon and he dodged it. He dodged the phone but hit the seat with Fiona who in turn, spilled her coffee on Matt, who screamed.   
"What the fuck Barb!" Jon screamed as he handed back the phone and tryed to block out Matt and Fiona.  
"Lindsay sent a jump scare gif and it scared me!"  
"Fiona what the fuck!" Matt screamed as he dragged a paper towl across the coffee.  
"Jon knocked my seat and it went towards you! I am so sorry!" Fiona screeched as tears ran down her face.  
"Yo! The bus is free! Sorry 'bout that that Barb!" Lindsay said over the comms.  
"Thanks Linds. Everyone, get ready for the road block and storm. " Ryan replied and he readied his gun and stepped into the road with Jeremy beside him.  
"Ready for another death?" Jeremy said as the bus came into sight.  
"Always ready. Hit the driver for twenty bucks?" Ryan said as he aimed.  
"Hell fucking yeah!" Jeremy replied as he patted his wallet   
"No prisoners!" Barb shouted as everyone else left their cars.  
"Goddamn it Barb!" Jon shouted as the heist began.

Twenty minutes after, Ryan had twenty more dollars, Jeremy had a large scar from his ribs exploding, Michael and Gavin had hidden the bus in the hangar, Jon and Barbara had been dilivered to the RT office and Matt and Fiona were treating coffee stains and burns.  
"We all ready? Trevor said to the room and the laptop that was projecting an image of the RT gang.   
"Yes." They all replied.  
"Good. We start tomorrow." Trevor finished as he told the Fakes to leave the heist room and hung up on the roosters.  
"Don't fucking over do it Trevor. You got this." Trevor said to himself as he packed the laptop and some of his dignity into a small case. Trevor was scared, and by scared, he was shit his pants petrified or heart attack scared. Busting out one or two people was fine, three or four was okay, five was a stretch but any more was top notch. Especially Zancudo. They were in over their heads. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spelled Caiti's name wrong so that will be fixed!


	6. The heist of a life time- execute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did they bust Geoff out? And will they fail miserably unlike the great heist on Chad.

Execute  
Caiti looked out of the windows and stared at Zancudo. Jack was on the phone with Geoff to say that he would be picked up at six fourty five, Lindsay was aiming at the fort and everyone else was loading guns and armour.  
"You have five minutes. Get to the court in four. Matt is already through gate one, so, good luck." Jack said as she finished her call and strapped on her parachute.   
"Shit Jack, you are paranoid." Jeremy said as he opened his personal gun box.  
"Jeremy! Your guns are so hideous I'm being blinded!" Ryan said as he lowered his mask to protect his eyes.  
"Fuck you buddy!" Jeremy shouted back.  
"Guys, we drop in a minute so shut up," Michael shouted over them "Yo lil' J, why'd they put you on this team?"  
"Trevor was scared that we wouldn't have enough people with Geoff. We don't want him dying on a prison break out. It would be a hindrance and we don't need that." Jeremy replied quickly as he stared at his watch.  
"Guys drop in three, two, one.. Now!" Trevor shouted over the phone that Caiti had.  
The chopper crew jumped and started falling. Fast. By the time they reached half way, helicopters were in the skys and Lindsay was firing heavy bullets in all directions.  
On the ground, Matt was driving recklessly and the others were 'helping'. They were grabbing at the wheel to direct them towards Geoff.  
"Where are the FakeHaus' staying?" Matt screeched as he slammed the brakes in front of the pick up Geoff spot.  
"Geoff has them!" Jon spat back as the others landed by them.  
"Get out and help them! We got this in here!" Barb shouted as she shoved the others outside with their guns at their sides.  
"For Geoff!" Alfredo shouted as he ran ahead and into the courtyard.  
"Yeah bitches!" Fiona hollered in pursuit of her friend.

As the helicopter crew landed, they saw the team F it running and shooting cops relentlessly as they ran towards Geoff and the other Fakes. Well, where they were meant to be.  
"Where is Geoff?"   
"I-"  
BANG  
"Fredo!" Trevor screamed as Alfredo's brains splattered over the floor and his friends.  
"Matt get his ass on the bus!" Geoff shouted as he came into view with the other Fakes.  
"Thank fuck you're okay! Everyone get to the fucking bus! We gotta go!" Jack shouted back as she head shotted a guard.  
"Okay boss." Bruce shouted as he grabbed his crew and ran.  
Everyone ran towards the bus and the roosters.  
"Take that you sick fucks!" Jon exclaimed as he blew up the guards and the prison walls.   
"Buckle up bitches. My girl Jack is gonna drive us to our deaths if we don't sit down." Geoff said as every one got on the bus.  
As soon as Jack started, most of the bus had fallen over.

Up in the sky, Caiti and Lindsay were enjoying every second of it. When they heard about the crew leaving, Caiti turned the bird around and left Lindsay to destroy the enemy air crafts. 

After losing the cops, Jack made her way towards the lumber mill to meet the flying duo. When they saw the chopper land, they knew it would be okay. Until, a rouge police car shot the tail blade out.  
"Well shit." Lawrence muttered under his breathe.


	7. Happily ever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after math of the final heist.

Jack sat with Caiti laying on her lap. After they had found Lindsay with her, Jack almost cried with glee. All of the roosters hadn't gotten a scratch-except for Jon but nobody really cared- meaning Burnie would loan them off to the Fakes on occasion. The Fakehaus gang also had a debt to pay to the fakes, it involved a convenience store raid in large furry costumes. That was filmed by Steffie. They put it on the internet and the crowd went wild. Trevor, Jack and Gavin had their respective dates with three lovely ladies and everything was perfect. Aside from the fact that they all had to hide for a long time. But they had each other. And thats all that's all that matters. Somehow.


End file.
